more thoughts on success

Success today is going to the library for picture books for a unit on inferencing and loving it. Success is looking online for reading comprehension ideas to help me teach...without pressure, for pleasure, because I enjoy teaching.

Success is sitting through a meeting this past week--getting chastised--except this time, leaving the meeting knowing that I am doing a good job and staying confident in what I know works (see our results from last year).

The me of previous years would have wilted and felt more insecure at a bad meeting. The me this year realizes that you can't please everyone and I know that I have my students best interests in mind. period. I feel so much freedom and I know this will only help me to do a better job than last year. Last year I felt so much worry and anxiety. This year, I feel hope, I feel like trying new things, I feel like working harder than ever and it is self-driven, not out of fear that I will get a bad review. SUCCESS! I am SO loving this concept of one little word. January will be here soon and I am already thinking about the word I will focus on in 2012. Still not ready to give up the word, success, though, because I know I have more to learn. Small steps (this is a hard concept for me. I want things fast and RIGHT NOW).

Fresh Tomato, Green Pepper (and Cucumber) Salad

School is out and I am back in action around the house. Goal for this coming school year is to still do things I enjoy doing despite the long hours I put in..we'll see. For now, no worrying about it, just going to enjoy it and play as hard as I worked this school year...WATCH OUT!

So far I have been cleaning and reorganizing and rearranging and LOVE IT! I donated my hair to Locks of Love so I have a spiffy new haircut, which was free by the way because I let a Tricochi student use my head in order to take her test over cutting long hair into layers...her first time ever cutting a real person's hair and she did such a good job! I had a dentist appointment today and am CAVITY FREE!! SUCH GOOD NEWS BECAUSE I HAVE A HISTORY WITH LOTS OF DENTAL WORK, UGH! AND, tomorrow I am going with my mother-in-law for a manicure and pedicure through an awesome deal on Groupon.

Ok, enough of my gushing about how happy I am to be on vacation...Here's the recipe I made today for lunch. I am not sure where I got this recipe. I had the card in my recipe box and pulled it out while going through my recipes to menu plan this summer. Here it is!

2 large tomatoes, chopped into small pieces
3 large cloves of garlic, minced
2 cucumbers, chopped into small pieces
1 TB extra virgin olive oil
2 TB red wine vinegar
1 Chopped green pepper, chopped into small pieces
1 Red Onion (optional) **I didn't have it on hand or else I would have added it for sure!
Seasonings to taste: salt, pepper, Italian herbs


Next up....Bagels! So sad that my usual recipe's link died. I found another recipe that I am going to try today.

Going to crash a Diddy party in disguise....

A little taste of a song I am enjoying off the newest Weezer album:

You don't keep house and I'm a slob
You're freakin' out cause I can't keep a job
We don't update our blogs
We are Trainwrecks


This song just cracks me up because it describes how things have been going so far this year...and really, in the end, does any of it really matter, nope. So, who cares if our place is messy or I haven't been on blogger or tweeted....

I am really pumped to be turning 27 tomorrow. I spent this weekend feeling really peaceful and content. My job is tough, but rewarding. The reason I have been so stressed is completely my own fault. I am learning how to deal...learning how to stop this need to always please and to stop being so concerned that I am messing up. I have had a rough few months (and all of last year) because I have not let go of these things. I have tried to hold onto things so tightly and that just doesn't work. I need to wake up, do my best, and leave it at that. I know how hard I work and that's all I can do. I have tried to force things and have worried over things waaaaaaaay too much and it has not brought me much gain nor peace/happiness. If I get a bad observation, or upset someone, what is the worst that could happen? It sounds insane, but I have to think these kinds of things through. My worst fear is disappointing someone who cares about me/believes in. I have to start living my life and not be so afraid of these kinds of things.

I have been putting myself and the people close to me through craziness and I am just not going to do it anymore! This next year is going to rock!

Even my neighbor's mexican tuba music can't bring me down...

This summer marks four years of living in Chicago. There have been many ups and downs, just as anyone experiences, but the past two years have been especially tough. Not that it was all terrible or horrible or awful, just difficult. I have never felt so challenged personally, and then to be so early in our marriage added another level. We have both learned a lot, so I am happy to say that I think things are starting to look up. I feel a lot more freedom and security and hope for the future. Part of this is because last week I was hired for my first teaching position! I am so happy to officially begin my teaching career! Summer school will be over in another week and a half and I will have a good portion left of the summer to relax , visit with family and friends, and prepare to teach 6th/5th grade! Tom is busy working for a free breakfast/lunch program in the city and is doing really awesome things with that. The program lasts through mid-August, so we are just praying that he is next to land a teaching position for this coming school year.

This would mean the world to us and would finally give us both the stability we have been longing for. We know that we just have to continue to work hard, trust God, and be patient that it will come. We believe our hearts are in it for the right reasons, so we have no reason to worry.

SO...YAY! I feel READY for whatever God has planned!!!

Peanut Butter--Yum!

I made some peanut butter today using a recipe from the Food Network. I made a slight adjustment or two (instead of using peanut oil, I used olive oil and then added a tiny bit of sesame oil, which I am not sure if it really made a difference, but it tastes delicious either way). I am looking forward to a PB and strawberry jam sandwich on homemade wheat bread for lunch tomorrow!

I truly get SO much satisfaction and joy through cooking. I am so happy to have the extra time to do so...now, if I can just make time next school year.

Ok, so here is the recipe that I adapted from Alton Brown of the Food Network:

Ingredients

• 15 ounces shelled, unsalted peanuts
• 1 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1 1/2 teaspoons honey
• 1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil
• A touch of sesame oil

Directions

Place the peanuts, salt and honey into the food processor. Process for 1 minute. Scrape down the sides of the bowl. Place the lid back on and continue to process while slowly drizzling in the oil and process until the mixture is smooth, 1 1/2 to 2 minutes. Place the peanut butter in an airtight container and store in the refrigerator for up to 2 months.

I never have this much energy on a school night! Maybe it was the Americano I had after school, or just the way things have been going lately. YAY for a great weekend and a happy outlook on the coming week! I am pretty busy at school, but every teacher is as the year comes to a close.

This weekend Tom and I enjoyed good food as well as company. I was able to start an herb window box, do a little organizing, and finish up a knitting project. Unfortunately, this weekend also included a going away dinner for our friend, Michael, who is moving to North Carolina to start law school. I am so happy he is going for his dreams, but we will miss our Thursday TV and dinner night. I loved using him as an excuse to try out some new recipes!

To wrap up this post, I must also mention that in 30 minutes I will be tasting fresh bread from my new-to-me bread maker!! Tom and I picked it up today from John, a nice man who sold it to us for an awesome price via Craigslist! I hope it is good! I used this recipe, from the amazing, Finding Joy in My Kitchen blog. I want to try all of her bread recipes! I am planning on making french toast in the morning as well as use it for my sandwich for lunch...we'll see!

yes, i am reading a book called, "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living"

"Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand." -Thomas Carlyle

I really needed to hear this. My last post was in October--the same month I started a long-term substitute position for a fifth/sixth grade classroom. I have been so overcome by worry, anxiety, stress, etc. It is probably the biggest challenge I have yet faced in life and I still do not know when it is going to end...March? June? I know, sounds so dramatic, but it is the truth. It's not just the position, but it is compounded by so many of my own issues...so many of my own insecurities and weaknesses. This position just manages to hit every one of these very raw nerves and I have found myself to be a complete mess.

Thankfully, I have/am learning and understanding some really remarkable things. Just the fact that today I managed to make a batch of granola, enjoy the Art Institute with my husband, and write this blog post is a huge accomplishment for me. Towards the end of tonight I found myself fighting once again worry and dread for tomorrow, knowing that saturday is almost over and tomorrow means one day closer to being back in the classroom. I am so fortunate to have a husband that saw right through all of this and encouraged me to take some time to read and the quotation above is what landed in my lap.

I am thankful tonight for this and thankful for what I am learning and going through because I have hope that it will all be worth it. This whole, vague description of my current state may sound so trivial to some, but I am learning to be ok with being weak--something I have always tried to avoid. I am weak. I am broken right now. I don't care how this is perceived. I am trying my best and if it is not good enough for some it is good enough for me. I am learning to have confidence and that being kind does not mean getting stepped on.

Happy

So! Just got offered TWO maternity leave positions which will keep me busy October through December teaching 5th grade and then starting Jan 4th I will be teaching Pre-K/EC!!!

I am SO THANKFUL and am excited/nervous (about the fifth grade position as I do not have a lot of experience past fourth grade). This will be a GREAT learning experience!

ALSO excited because Dunkin Doughnuts gave out free medium coffees today and of course I got one! I love any kind of giveaway :)

Now it's time for dinner and later watching How I Met Your Mother (my favorite television show) with my hubby.

i can carry an air conditioner all by myself if necessary!

So, I didn't get the position... Trying to stay positive as I continue subbing. This is kind of difficult because subbing has always been kinda tough for me. I just need some time to adjust. I was so set on NOT subbing and wanted to have my own class SO badly, but I am trying to be thankful that I DO HAVE A JOB. This whole experience has been really good. Really eye-opening, but good. This year may not go the way I want it to, but I have to trust that God is faithful and will not let me down.

You HAVE to check out this website and this one. They both just crack me up! On the bright side, since I do not have lesson plans to create or praise God I do not have homework to complete...I have been going through books at the library like a mad woman. I JUST LOVE the Chicago Public Library system. There are SO many locations and they have SO MUCH and you can even request that materials be sent to your closest location! I just picked up a bunch of books on sewing, knitting books with baby patterns (my cousin, Lisa is pregnant!), cooking, bird identification, wildflower identification, and a couple fiction books (I am on the 5th Harry Potter book now!). I LOVE coming home with a whole stack of books free of charge :)

Do you love how I am using all caps?? I just realized I was using them...oh well :)

I am excited for this Saturday! Tom and I are going to the Garfield Park Conservatory for the 9th Annual County Fair!

I can't wait! There there will be FREE bee keeping demonstrations, FREE composting demonstrations, and FREE food preservation demonstrations...all things I have started getting into (bee keeping is more of something I am fascinated by but would probably not want to try unless I had the real-deal suit so there is no chance of getting stung).

Plus this event is going to have a recipe swap that I am participating in, a farmer's market, and live music. I am so curious to see how a county fair will operate in the city...

Last but not least, I am PUMPED for all the new seasons of our favorite thursday night TV shows! My sister and Michael will be coming over to enjoy with us...reminds me of our college days at IU...if only more of our friends could join us!

-Sarah

Still waiting to hear if I got the position...

But excited for this weekend!!! Especially because of this:

I have been for the past two years and it totally rocks! ALSO excited for this weekend because Jess and Matthew will be here for a visit.

I just gotta keep my nerves in check and be patient. I have to decided to be content with whatever happens and trying not to stress too much!

-Sarah

Trust and Wait

Wow, i really miss menu planning, but life is SO nutso right now. Last week I had two interviews for a Pre-K teaching position and accepted the job on Thursday. It is a REALLY neat program with a strong emphasis on nature (something I JUST LOVE). BUT, then, the very next day, I got asked to interview this Wednesday for a 1st grade teaching position in a public school. I have been waiting for this interview ALL summer. It would mean my own class, much better pay than what the day care could offer me, health benefits, holidays off, and in the district I have subbed in for the past two years and did my student teaching with. It would also mean teaching "at-risk" kids, which are exactly the kinds of kids I feel called to teach.

I am SO thankful for the Pre-K position, but really would like the first grade position. It was really hard because I went back to the day care and explained my situation and while my new boss is SO wonderful, I still feel kind of bad and nervous about working there on Tuesday and then interviewing with the public school on Wednesday. I feel like I did the right thing so I need to let it go and just trust that God will smooth things and will guide me in doing what is right. I really do trust God and know that He will make everything clear soon and I am SO thankful to have two really great options after thinking that having my own class this year was just out of the question.

I am trusting God with it all and know He has a purpose. He knows the desires of my heart, but He also knows what is the very best for Tom and I.

Hopefully everything will be resolved by the end of this week (i am hoping and praying for this). Right now, I am clinging to the Psalms and would really appreciate any of your prayers. I am SO excited to begin my teaching career and I know whatever happens will be exactly what Tom and I need.

Until then...

-Sarah

WELL, Well, well

Hmm.. doing ok here. Not menu planning this week and I feel a little lost. Maybe that is a touch dramatic, but Tom and I are avoiding the market completely this week because once again, we will be out of town for another wedding! We are just trying to use anything we have around here to save on money and also to use what we have. I am excited for this wedding this weekend and even more excited because my sister and her boyfriend will be traveling with us and there will also be lots of college friends to see.

I went to an interview today for a coffee shop job. It was pretty cool because the interview took place in this janky area of Bridgeport in a warehouse where they actually roast their own coffee beans! It was really cool to watch them do it while I waited to interview. It was fun riding the bus home smelling like fresh roasted coffee.

I would love to have the job, but hope that it doesn't complicate things too much once school starts. It would have been nice to be interviewing three weeks ago (which is when I put in my resume). Now that school is so close, I feel a little bad taking the job and then possibly having to quit if I get a teaching job (of course I will be SO PUMPED if I get a teaching job). If I do NOT get a teaching position, then it would ROCK to work for this company and maybe sub a couple of days as well (this would be ideal if I am not going to have my own classroom because subbing is a little rough for me at times..especially going into a third year of it!).

Well, I guess all in all, I am just trying to be patient! This has been a big struggle for me, but I think I am getting a teensy bit better at this trusting and waiting. Just trying to do my part in the mean time. I have about three-four more teaching positions I found yesterday and need to apply for before the weekend. We'll see!

That's all for now!

-Sarah

This week marks the end of the school year and I have to say I am pretty exhausted and excited and only a little nervous. How's that for expressing my feelings. So far, I have sent out resumes and online applications for 10 different teaching positions...and there are more still to apply for! This is encouraging! I hope I get a call back soon for an interview somewhere...we'll see.

This weekend, Tom and I got inspired to try to plant some vegetables, so we called up his parents and asked if they had any space left in their garden and they did! We planted cucumber, cantaloup, brandy wine heirloom tomatoes, and carrots! I am most excited for the carrots and tomatoes. Tom's parents already planted zucchini, sunflowers, watermelon, romaine lettuce, and roma and beefsteak tomatoes. They also have strawberries that come back every year so this year, Patty and I are going to attempt making them into jam and canning them. Later in the summer, our goal is to also can homemade salsa, tomato sauce, and pizza sauce. Anyone know anything about canning and could offer some advice? We are pretty curious to see how it all works.

Testing...

I really like the pressure of taking a test...I just do not enjoy all the anxiety leading up to taking the test. I slept horribly last night. It is in part because of the test, but also because I am sore from head to toe from taking a body sculpting class on Thursday with my sister. I feel like I went tubing and water skiing for two days straight and am now paying for it. It may sound crazy but I plan on going back! I really liked the class and it will be nice to have one day out of the three that I am committing to getting back in shape to do something else besides running.

I am really worried about this test today because it results in acquiring my teaching license for the state of Illinois. I have some more studying to do, but I do feel pretty good about what I accomplished yesterday. I can not wait to take this thing and then go out tonight to watch the Blackhawks playoff game! Tom is taking a different test as I write this and then has another test to take at the same place where I'll be later this afternoon. I am so thankful to have gone through this whole experience together. It has been so rewarding to complete this program alongside my husband. At times, it has been pretty intense, since we are pretty much both stressed about the same things. Although, Tom is and will always be much more calm and laid back about things, which is nice because it has an effect on me as well. I can only hope that my organization skills have been a positive thing for him. Well, time to get back to work! So close to finishing!!!

No sub jobs for today, tomorrow I can not work because I'll be attending parent teacher conferences with my host teacher and going to the dentist, and no school on Friday due to the beginning of Spring Break! I already have a job for Thursday, so that just leaves finding something for Wednesday. I have to say, it is so nice to ease back into subbing. It is such a weird thing for me. I am totally fine when I know where I'll be working the night before, but waking up in the morning, getting ready like I will be working, checking the website 20 + times, and then not getting a job is completely exhausting for me. I wish I was more laid back about it and could just go with the flow, but I hate the waiting and not knowing.

I am thankful to have today to work on my portfolio, although I spent most of the morning so far watching Ace of Cakes! I love this show! After lunch I am going to start crankin' it out. I just need to finish and be done with it! For the sake of my sanity. I do not want to be a whiner and boy, have I turned into one these past 12 + weeks. I did not make any New Year's resolutions...I think, again, I was too preoccupied by this monster of a thing called, student teaching to care about bettering myself. My attitude these past months was "yes, it is going to be hard with both Tom and I not working and living off of savings and having a crap load to do, yes it is going to suck for a while, but then we'll be done!" Everything else just has not been very important, like relationships and I don't know, having fun.

Now, I can say I'll officially be done with everything by the end of this month, so I have been doing a lot of thinking about my life; how I've changed and what things have been good and what things have really sucked. I guess I am reevaluating things. I also think this could not have come at a better time than in the Spring so close to Easter. Easter is my favorite holiday. It is a time for new life, for beginnings.

I know that many many many many people have survived student teaching...I do not think that student teaching is necessarily the most difficult thing in the world. For some reason, it just brought so many things to the surface for me. For one, it requires that I make mistakes and make them with other teachers and a supervisor and 29 kids there in clear view of my mistakes. I hate to make mistakes...and I know that sounds like the most immature thing anyone could say. I know in my mind that mistakes are a part of life and it sounds so obnoxious to make such a big deal about not being perfect. I know that I am not perfect. I know in my mind the saying that making mistakes is how we learn and that when you mess up you learn and then don't repeat the same thing. BUT, I just have never been able to allow myself permission to mess up.

I get so bent out of shape and over-think so many aspects of my life and frankly, I am tired. I have kind of been going through a break down lately. Something has to change because I do not want to continue thinking the way that I think. If you could see inside my mind, you would see an old lady bent over by self-criticism. I know that this is not truly me. I am just having trouble. I am trying to squash any negative thoughts about myself as soon as I recognize them. The hard thing is that sometimes I do not even know how critical I really am of myself. Thank God I have Tom to point it out to me. SO many times he has stopped me to point it out and while I get so annoyed with him at the time, I am really thankful that he cares enough to point it out. I just want to deal with this and move on! This is an issue in my life that I have left alone for too long and it has now become a much bigger problem. I remember being hard on myself in college, but I had so many friends and had so much fun then. Living in a new city where I only know a couple of people, I think, has really brought all this out.

Well, I'm done for now with all of this self-reflection! Some of my resolutions that I have been thinking of lately:

*Start running again

*Try at least two new recipes a month

*Read at least one new book a month

*STOP CRITICIZING myself...I need to get into a little trouble! It would be good for me :) I need help with this.

that's all for now, no need to get carried away.

Woo!

Today I am going to the Shedd Aquarium with my host teacher and students! It has been one week since I said goodbye and I can't wait to see them :) I am also interested to learn how teachers organize field trips and keep all the students together (there are 3 second grade classes going).

Whew

I am not sure how to describe just how great it feels to have finished student teaching. My quality of life has already drastically improved. These past 12 weeks were probably the most challenging of my life. I learned so much and it was such a rewarding experience. I am just so excited for the future. I take the Illinois APT test this month and then I'll apply for my teaching license!!! So, in the meantime, I am finishing my portfolio, studying for the test, looking for a job, and substitute teaching again.

I am SO pumped that it is Spring! I am really looking forward to Easter. Tom and I will be celebrating with his family. I am really excited to try to bake an Easter cake I found here. I hope it turns out the way I envision it. Cooking/baking is something I am very happy to start practicing again AND knitting! I have many projects that have fallen by the wayside.

Well, time to make some dinner and catch up on a little reading from this book. Tom bought it for me as a Christmas gift. It's been out for a while but I was never fortunate enough to own it until now! Amy Sedaris is HILL-AR-ious! If you've never seen Strangers with Candy and are not too offended by crude, dark, and just plain wrong humor, you have to check it out. Tom and I are currently making our way through Season 2 via Hulu.

I have a lot to accomplish today. I do not understand how some days I just completely do not do what I set out to do. I know I will feel better if I just complete an assignment for school, get the apartment clean, run the errands I need to run, repot two of my plants, etc. I won't bore you. But, instead, I play around on the computer or get involved in one of my many current knitting projects and I don't do what I need to do. Today, I am not even touching a ball of yarn until I finish one of my papers. I am tired of school. I don't mean to complain, but just to say that I am ready to finally use all my education to actually work in the field I am excited to work in. It will be a great feeling!

We have friends visiting this weekend for Lollapalooza. I just love having guests! One of our friends is super allergic to cats, so we'll have to take Maynard and Banjo to stay with my sister for the weekend. And, so, right now I am just trying to think of things to say so that I don't have to start my paper. I should go. No more complaining.

doo doo do doo

Tom and I had dinner with a lovely couple we met through Tom's softball league last night. It was great getting to know them and will probably have them over next. This weekend our friend Mike is coming to visit and to celebrate his birthday. I am also going to the farmer's market for sure. I didn't go last week and missed it terribly. I finally finished all of my courses for the current term and will begin a new term at the end of August. I'm going to try to start some assignments early in hopes of getting ahead...we'll see. I am also currently taking a handwriting class, where I have to send in samples of my handwriting through snail mail and then the grader grades it and sends it back...it's a long process but I am enjoying it. At the end, I will be a certified handwriting instructor..whatever that means. I am getting quite excited about Lollapalooza, which is next weekend. The lineup can be found here. This year, we have a couple friends going with us, so that will be a lot of fun! Also looking forward to the Renegade Craft Fair! My sister and I went last year and loved it! I am hoping my cousin can come that weekend and go with this year. GRR6 (the 6 is because my cat, Banjo just jumped on my keypad as I was trying to complain about what a pest he has been all day!!). He loves to claw at our bed at all hours of the night and day and then run away. He thinks it's some sort of game. Ah! Anyway, Tom and I are going to Bible study soon so I should end here for now. Banjo has calmed down and is now sleeping and snoring. Ridiculous.

I'm a lazy bum

It is so weird that I am not currently working! I want to work at Whole Foods, but haven't heard back from them yet. School has been out for about a month now and I am starting to get antzy about not working.

I am enjoying all the time I have to study, do homework, cook, and of course, KNIT!, but I still just don't feel productive. Jenn and I made homemade deodorant last night and I love it! We'll see how well it works. Got the recipe from here. We changed a few things: We found Vitamin E oil in a bottle instead of buying a bottle of the gel caps and we used tea tree and lavender oil instead of ylang yang and orange (both due to the fact that it was cheaper and because I love lavender). We got everything at Whole Foods and split the cost. We have lots of supplies left over to make more later! I used it today for the first time, putting it on right after I shaved my pits and it didn't hurt at all! We'll see how well it does when I wear it all day...hopefully I don't stink! I'll have to report back later.

Well, Tom and I are about to start watching the next disc in the baseball history series that Ken Burns made. It is really great and I am only a new baseball fan. Go Sox!