February 20, 2010

yes, i am reading a book called, "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living"

"Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand." -Thomas Carlyle

I really needed to hear this. My last post was in October--the same month I started a long-term substitute position for a fifth/sixth grade classroom. I have been so overcome by worry, anxiety, stress, etc. It is probably the biggest challenge I have yet faced in life and I still do not know when it is going to end...March? June? I know, sounds so dramatic, but it is the truth. It's not just the position, but it is compounded by so many of my own issues...so many of my own insecurities and weaknesses. This position just manages to hit every one of these very raw nerves and I have found myself to be a complete mess.

Thankfully, I have/am learning and understanding some really remarkable things. Just the fact that today I managed to make a batch of granola, enjoy the Art Institute with my husband, and write this blog post is a huge accomplishment for me. Towards the end of tonight I found myself fighting once again worry and dread for tomorrow, knowing that saturday is almost over and tomorrow means one day closer to being back in the classroom. I am so fortunate to have a husband that saw right through all of this and encouraged me to take some time to read and the quotation above is what landed in my lap.

I am thankful tonight for this and thankful for what I am learning and going through because I have hope that it will all be worth it. This whole, vague description of my current state may sound so trivial to some, but I am learning to be ok with being weak--something I have always tried to avoid. I am weak. I am broken right now. I don't care how this is perceived. I am trying my best and if it is not good enough for some it is good enough for me. I am learning to have confidence and that being kind does not mean getting stepped on.

4 comments:

Holly said...

Good for you! I remember some of those landmark days from the first year of school myself- like the first time I actually took the time to make dinner, or the first time I felt like I could read a book for pleasure that didn't have to be school related. It's a good feeling. Hang in there! You're on the right track.

derek said...

"This is How I Stopped Worrying and Anxiety"

This has helped me tremendously and I hope it helps your readers
as well.

Hi, my name is Derek J. Soto, you can google me if you want to

find out more about me. I suffered with Anxiety and OCD for

many years. Over these years I have learned a few things that have

helped me stop these things in my life. I remember when I would go

to public places and I would see all these people moving around, I

would hear all the sounds and this combined with my fear of what

might happen to me because my heart was racing and I was feeling

light headed. I literally thought that there was something wrong with

me physically and I felt that I would pass out everytime I went

anywhere public. I found out that my fear was actually causing

these symptoms. I found out that there was no way that I could

stop my anxiety and OCD until I actually got rid of this fear. I was

told that without fear, excessive unhealthy anxiety cannot exist.

I then found out that my OCD was caused by anxiety, so I knew

I had to get rid of the anxiety and the OCD would go away. Here

are some of the things that I did:

1.) I realized that I had to accept whatever it is that I'm afraid of.

I was afraid that i was going to pass out when I was in public, so

what I would do is go in public and when I felt like I was going to

pass out, I said to myself, "I don't care if I pass out because they'll

just call an ambulance and I'll be taken care of." For some reason

I never passed out and by repeating this, my brain stopped

believing that I would pass out when I was out in public and so I

no longer feared that this would happen.

2.) I had to learn that anxiety is good and it is there to protect us,

so when I started to feel anxiety come on, I told myself, "This is a

good thing, because I know that my protection mechanism that

keeps me safe is working." I knew then that i didn't have to be

afraid of it anymore.

3.) I then started to introduce new thoughts into my mind when

I was having an anxiety attack. So if I was sitting there thinking

about passing out, once I realized that I was focusing on that,

I said, "Stop!" and I asked myself, "What would I rather think

about?" Then I would think about things that made me happy,

which was much funner for me!

I know these are very simple tactics, but try them, try introducing

new thoughts because you cannot control what thoughts pop

into your head. See how your emotional state will change once

you start thinking about the beach, or your spouse and the good

times you've had, etc.

This has done wonders for me and I hope it helps you too!

Yours for mental freedom,

Derek J. Soto

To get cutting edge techniques to beat Anxiety and OCD permanently click here:

http://ocd-gone-in-seven-days.com/how-to-stop-anxiety62.html

That Spoonful said...

Thanks, Derek for sharing! I think what you said about anxiety stemming from fear is right on, or at least it is the case for me. Thanks again!

That Spoonful said...

Thanks so much, Holly for your encouragement and for letting me know you went through something similar.