success

So, I found out about something called One Little Word from a blog that I really like and decided to give it a go. I thought at first that the word I would choose would be enjoy...which is something that I decided would be a focus for me this school year (my saying was, "enjoy the whole process"). It is a good thing for me to think about, except that it just hasn't been strong enough to really change much about my work habits. I have still been working way too much and feeling way too much anxiety. After several conversations with my husband, the one most poignant occurring on our fifth year wedding anniversary, I discovered that I have a really distorted view of success.

So, with the suggestion of my husband, (he said to pick failure, which is also very fitting since I do see that I often fear this the most) I choose the word success. I will be thinking on this one little word and all that it means as until New Years. I love this concept of having a singular focus and then seeing all the dimensions it will inevitably take as the year progresses. Today, succes for me, is cleaning my whole house and getting rid of things I don't need. Today, success is waking up early and hitting the farmer's market with my best friend and husband and not giving a second thought to the work I know I will get done. Success, today, are my plans to cook a delicious meal and have my family over....again, leaving the work I know I will do and get done until tomorrow.

I usually end up working both of my days off and I just can't do that all the time. Success used to mean making other people happy and pleased with me. Success used to mean living up to the expectations (and perceived expectations) of others. These next couple of months I am choosing to think differently.